Parenting Time for Pre-Teens and Teenagers
As children approach adolescence, their relationships and interactions with their parents naturally evolve. The transition from childhood to adolescence often involves spending less time with parents and more time with peers. This reality remains unchanged, whether a child’s parents are together or separated.
Teenagers in intact families rarely spend an entire weekend with one parent, unless they are traveling. Similarly, many adolescents prefer a flexible schedule where they can participate in sports, recreational activities, and control their social life with friends. This preference for flexibility can pose challenges with an alternating weekend schedule, especially when the visiting parent lives a significant distance from the custodial parent.
A common request among youths is for their parents to be more flexible and avoid arguing over minor changes. Occasionally, children in this age group may resent a parent requesting compensatory parenting time whenever the child, or the custodial/residential parent, asks to allow the child to go to a sleepover with a friend during a parenting time night.
In such cases, it may be beneficial if the parent having the parenting time can invite the child’s friends to their home or accommodate driving the child to their friend’s home for sleepovers during their parenting time, without lamenting about losing parenting time.
Depending on the child’s age and maturity, it might be appropriate to give an older child the flexibility to decide when they want to see the visiting parent. This arrangement can be described in an order or agreement as “reasonable parenting time in accordance with the child’s wishes.” However, this approach should be considered on a case-by-case basis, as it may put too much pressure on some children to decide parenting time and, therefore, may not be in their best interests.
A significant court decision in Godard v. Godard, [2015] O.J. No. 4073, emphasized that a parent cannot simply delegate the decision of whether to attend parenting time visits to the child. The court’s decision stated that the parent was required to “take concrete measures to apply normal parental authority to have the child comply with the Parenting Time Order." Mere encouragement is not enough. Parents are expected to use the same persuasive techniques that they would use with a child refusing to go to school or to the dentist, such as withholding their allowance or not letting them attend something that they wanted to attend.
In conclusion, navigating parenting time for pre-teens and teenagers is a delicate balancing act. It involves understanding the child's evolving needs, practicing flexibility, and ensuring decisions align with the child's best interests. Parents must remain mindful to facilitate a smooth transition during this critical phase, ensuring a healthy and positive upbringing for the child.
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